CALL ME BY MY NAME! HONK!

Yesterday was Name Your Car Day. Just thought you should know. It’s a great day to celebrate those things in life that DRIVE us crazy! Most people in the world take their cars for granted. In third world countries, cars are even abused and treated like beasts of burden. Here in America, we treat our cars a little nicer, but still, some of us refuse to give them a little humanity by naming them. How rude!

You name your babies when they’re born, and usually we name our pets…so why not your car?
Just like people, cars can have personalities, vices, gaseous exhalations and make obnoxious noises. For those of you who have never named your car before…YOU’RE MISSING OUT!

Unlike a human being, a car’s name doesn’t have to be all nice and normal. It can be more along the lines of a dog’s or racehorse’s name...like Dun Run Out of Cash, Hillbilly Hobbit, Winnie the Pooch, Fat Cat.

When I was a child, the naming of the car was a grand event. On the rare occasion my parents bought a new car, all my siblings and I were anxious to name it. We’d have a meeting to vote on what to call the new Family Wheels. Here are some of the cars I’ve known in my life: Vanda (our 15 seater blue van), Chippie (our brown Toyota corolla), Clifford (the big red car), Fred (my husband’s old Ford truck in high school), and Bruce (my cousin’s car named after Bruce Springstein because it sounded constipated).

With a name, comes responsibility. When your car acts up and sputters, or doesn’t start when you turn the ignition, you have the right to curse it by name (and what a GREAT feeling that is to yell at your car and maybe even get out and kick it in the tire as you scream it’s given NAME). There is no better feeling. See what I mean below in the next scenario where you’re car has just died on the freeway in 5:00 traffic.

What you say to a Generic Car: “You worthless piece of junk!” (Now this is okay if your car is actually named WORTHLESS PIECE OF JUNK--sounds like a racehorse name).

What you say to a Named Car: “Bugs, you're a shame to all Volkswagens! I’m beginning to wish I’d bought something built in Detroit you worthless piece of junk!" (Notice how you can still work in other names besides its real name, which is a bonus in my book)

See the difference? Just hearing his name muttered in rage might be all the incentive Bugs needs to give a little sputter and start back to life again. I’ve actually had a car engage its engine after I ranted at it by name. So for that reason alone, you should name your cars!

There are times when your car will get dirty and just knowing it by name will make you feel guilty enough to take it to the carwash and give it a bath. Now be careful when you give your car a name. Some guys give their beautiful sports cars such sexy names that they actually fall in love with them (Yes, names can do that). These guys are the ones you see out in the driveway two or three times a week hand washing their ‘babies’ and even waxing them. But if you’re careful and give the naming of your cars lots of thought, you should be safe from that snare. So DRIVE yourself crazy and NAME YOUR CAR TODAY!!! You won’t regret it!

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