My Angel Among Us!

This month marks the anniversary of the day my special angel baby graced us with his presence...if only but for 12 hours. We found out there were complications with our sweet baby in my first ultra-sound (at about 22 weeks). And throughout the following weeks we realized the significance of these problems. He had what was called a diaphragmatic hernia. That is where the diaphragm (which is in the abdominal area and separates the upper organs from the lower organs) has a hole in it which leads to organs moving around inside his little body and cramping the space where his heart and lungs need to grow.

The doctors watched me like a hawk the last 16 weeks of pregnancy and we had high hopes that this strong boy of ours would dispel the odds and show these doctors that he was ready for whatever came his way. My labor (while scary and a lot of work) seemed almost perfect and we heard him make the cutest little sounds which to me meant he was here to stay. I was on a high that I just couldn't explain. I KNEW everything was going to be ok and I couldn't help but be HAPPY! The NICU staff is fabulous at the hospital we were at and they had him for the first few hours of his life. It was after those hours, when I got a call, that I knew things weren't as 'peachy' as I had thought. Our little baby was going downhill FAST. The rest of the time at the hospital is a big blur to me. I remember making HUGE decisions, praying like I've never prayed before, crying like I've never cried before, and feeling the peaceful spirit of my Heavenly Father's love draped over me through it all. We knew his time would be short and so we invited family over to meet him--we especially wanted his two big brothers to have a chance to meet him. It was so great to share him with our families. Two of my sisters-in-law are photographers and the pictures that they took that night are some of my most prized possessions. Here are a few of them--

Now, looking back on the experience, it was a time in my life when I felt closer to my Heavenly Father than ever before. I gave a lesson in church a few weeks ago to some teenage girls about how much Heavenly Father loves each one of us individually. And I shared the the experience of Dax. A lot of the girls were confused about how I could take that sad moment in my life and relate it to how I know Heavenly Father loves me. Well, I found out after he was born that the doctors were positive that he wouldn't make it birth. But he was a fighter and I knew that he needed me to give him that chance to live (even if it was only for 12 hours). He beat the odds again and again and him making it to birth and having him for those 12 hours shows me that my Heavenly Father had mercy on me, as a mother, and gave me that opportunity to hold, love, kiss, and enjoy him. Now, I'm not saying that it hasn't been hard--it is still SUPER HARD even after 3 years (I miss him like CRAZY) but I know that I now have an angel in my life--one that will watch over my boys when they are out of my sight, one that keeps my mind on the really IMPORTANT things in life, and one that will be waiting for us if we but only live worthy to be in his presence once again. That is the ultimate goal.

We all have trials in our lives, problems that seem too heavy to bear. That is when we need to look to our Heavenly Father for love and support; He can make our burdens light again. He wants to help us, He wants us to be happy, He wants us to be the best that we can be--and through Him, WE CAN!

Happy 3rd Birthday Angel Baby--Mommy LOVES you!!